You've decided it's time for a change. 

The clutter has piled up long enough. You're convinced it's time to clean out your spare bedroom and turn it into a den. You want a place where you can go to relax. You want to create a healing environment. You have big plans for this space. 

You call me up and ask me to come over and help you clean. 

"Keep this or throw it away?" I ask holding up the ugliest lamp I have ever seen. I'm standing in the middle of the room surrounded by your things. 

You freeze up. 

"Maybe this was a bad idea," you say. "I don't know if I can get rid of any of this. It may look like junk to you Wendy, but it's part of who I am." 

We lock our guilt, shame, regret, and grief in a dark unused room, and we are just as reluctant to let it all go. But when you're ready to let go of that which weighs you down and brings you sadness, look toward self-forgiveness.

TRUE FORGIVENESS 

Forgiving yourself is like untangling a string of Christmas lights. It takes time. You need to be careful. You need to be patient. It can be done. 

If you secretly question or believe you are a bad person or are in some way mentally unstable because of the things you have done in the past, it's time to forgive yourself. 

If you are scared to death of your dark side and are angry with yourself because sometimes you are less than perfect, it's time to forgive yourself. 

It's time to forgive yourself because it's time to let go of the suffering you choose to cling to. Your thoughts and your actions define who you are. If almost everything you think and do is inspired by negative feelings then an inner battle will take place. It will become a struggle between wanting to embrace suffering and wanting to escape from it. Eventually this battle will rise to the surface one way or another. 

You may repress your pain. You may act it out. Either way, feelings of self-loathing will destroy who you are at the core. 

Let's do the "Am I A Bad Person?" test. 

Answer the following question: 

-Do you ever feel pain? I

you answered "yes" (and chances are you did) then you are not a bad person. You have a conscience. In our society the definition of a bad person is someone who never feels pain, especially when they have caused harm to another person. 

STOP PUNISHING YOURSELF! 

STOP, STOP, STOP!!! 

When your mistakes or flaws have hurt other people, yes you have to take responsibility for them. But letting your past actions eat you up inside only keeps you disabled. 

WHY IT IS SO HARD 

Disliking yourself may be such a deep-rooted belief it has begun to feel comfortable. Imagine spending hours in a room where the temperature is turned up a little too high. You sit in the room, aware of your discomfort, but you don't make any changes because in your head you are convinced you don't deserve anything better. Your heart tells you something different. The conflict keeps you paralyzed. 

Admitting your mistakes and letting them go can change all of that. 

Imagine you have a tape recorder in your head. Day in and day out you hear the same messages. By now you probably don't "hear" them anymore because they are so constant. What I want to teach you within MIND MAGIC is to take the old tape out and put in a new one which speaks a different message. 

The process of change demands you to have two things; an open mind and an open heart. When you begin the process of forgiving yourself these two factors are extremely important because before you can forgive yourself you have to confront yourself. Confronting yourself is one of the hardest things you'll do in your lifetime. The more open you are, the easier it will be. 

One of the most powerful tools people use to gain control over others is to manipulate them with guilt. Look at a situation you can't seem to let go of and ask yourself whether or not you feel bad because you stepped out of bounds, or is someone trying to make you feel guilty? To do right or be wrong are not black or white situations. 

If you genuinely feel you have made a mistake you need to admit what you have done wrong; without passing judgement on yourself. There's also no need to judge yourself by the standards of other people. You have your own personalized rule book in your soul. You may not readily recognize it, but it is there. 

Losing your temper once in a while, being rude from time to time, or even telling a lie occasionally doesn't make you a worthless person. It makes you human. I can guarantee, like with most humans, when you do something you perceive as being "unforgivable" nine time out of ten your actions were fueled by fear. 

Like a child who breaks his mother's favorite vase, then fears that if his mother knows the truth she will stop loving him, we all react out of a strong fear that has a way of convincing us that if other people know about our limitations they won't accept us or love us. 

Forgiving yourself means you have to look at your fears and your flaws and admit both exist inside you. Striving for perfection isn't what you're here to accomplish. Giving and taking love and compassion both to yourself and others is what will bring you the true freedom you were meant to attain. Stop blaming yourself and start to make peace with yourself.

FINAL THOUGHTS 

Sometimes when you are in so much pain you begin to feel isolated. You may forget that being human is a shared experience. One of the things I recommend you do when you go through the process of self-forgiveness is to do a simple visualization exercise. Think of the pain you are feeling. Focus on your despair and sorrow. Acknowledge your suffering. Now think of all the people in the world who, at this exact moment, feel the same way you do. Send feelings of love and understanding to them all. Give them your encouragement and support. Let your compassion radiate to the world and as it does it will make its way back to you. 

Until next time...be well.

Forever always,

Wendy